*Check out the companion post with my television segment from Afternoon Live talking about boudoir and styling lingerie looks!
I've been wanting to do a boudoir photoshoot for a while now, I just never thought I would have the nerve to do it. I came into my sexuality later in life and still feel like I am exploring it and learning more about myself as time passes. When I was a younger version of me, I never saw myself as sexy and was rarely ever told I was by anyone other than skeevy guys on the internet. It's taken a lot of work for me to be able to look at myself as someone who possesses sexiness.
A lot of people do a boudoir shoot for their significant other, which can be a really fun gift to give. I did this for me. I did this to celebrate my body and all it has done for me. I did this to celebrate being alive. I did this to feel a little more at home in my own body, to live fully in it and try to further embrace the idea of being a grown-ass, sexy woman. Was it all confidence and badassery? No, it was not. But what I learned about myself did surprise me.
Today, I want to share my boudoir photos with you, but I also want to talk about the process, how I prepared for it, and what I learned. I've also become someone who takes sexy photos of herself at home quite often, so I want to share some tips for that in case you aren't comfortable with doing a full-on boudoir shoot yet. Taking photos of myself for myself was really what helped me get my confidence up to even attempt a professional boudoir shoot. I hope today's post inspires you to push yourself out of your comfort zone and live life a bit more fully in your amazing body.
- This post is not sponsored. I paid for everything in this post. All photos are by Suma Jane Dark.
One of the things I mention over and over again to y'all - on social media and here on the blog - is the idea of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone from time to time. Usually, I talk about it in terms of trying different clothes that you wouldn't normally try to see your body differently and get out of a fashion rut. Sometimes we get so fixated on the rules of what ourselves and others think we "should" and "shouldn't" wear, we overlook a lot of amazing things that end up looking great on us and making us feel amazing.
Other times I talk about pushing out of your comfort zone to push past fear, to prove yourself wrong about something, to have a new experience or go an on an adventure. Never have I pushed me out of my comfort zone and not learned something valuable about me in the process. Living means being fully you and doing, not waiting for the so-called perfect time. People tend to stop themselves from doing because of other people's opinions or expectations. I'm guilty of that too. But pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones is how we grow and choose to live.
The other reason I'm always encouraging you to push yourself is that life is short. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I truly thought I was going to die. I thought my time left on this earth was extremely limited and I thought about all the things I had been too scared to do because of someone else's bullshit. As a blogger and a woman who is intent on helping other women (and people, regardless of gender), I constantly see people holding themselves back based on other people's opinions, on their fears and limiting beliefs, and just generally settling for things that don't make them happy. I try to encourage you because I don't want cancer to be your teacher.
But it's also important for me to practice what I preach. I'm not telling you one thing and living my life in a different way. That would make me inauthentic and a fraud, and being those things would make me hate myself. So I'm over here pushing myself too, which brings me to today's post.
Getting Started
As I mentioned earlier, I've been wanting to do a boudoir shoot for a long time. I was scared of taking the first step, but a couple of weeks after I declared I wanted a sexy photoshoot for my birthday I happened to see that Suma Jane Dark, a local body positive photographer I had been following on social media for a while, had a special deal going on for a photography session. I told Sean about it and he encouraged me to go ahead and go for it. I've been hearing about Suma for a while. They take gorgeous photos of all different sizes and shapes of bodies, so I knew they did quality work. Suma is also plus size, so I felt that working with someone that also lives in a plus-size body would be helpful for me as I jumped into doing this.
In looking for a photographer in your area, check out their websites and social media, any relevant hashtags, look at plus size boudoir photos, and find a local plus size community in your area that has recommendations. You must work with a photographer you feel comfortable with. This is the person you need to talk to about your vision for your shoot, your anxiety about it, etc. If you have lots of questions, write it all down and make sure to ask. Most photographers have dealt with people that feel just like you do, and are open to answering your questions and making you feel comfortable with the process.
Preparation
Leading up to the shoot, I made sure to take very good care of my skin. I exfoliated and moisturized my entire body. I did face masks and used my best serums. I used hair masks and took all my supplements and drank lots of water. I wanted to do everything I could to make sure I was presenting my best self at the shoot because these are photos I want to cherish and frame and look too fondly. Plus, they can be pretty spendy. (Price is going to vary by photographer, so that's another thing you want to look into ahead of time.) I didn't want to waste the opportunity by not putting in the effort to be my best self come photoshoot day. Different photographers will edit photos differently. That should be something you discuss with your photographer so you know what to expect. Suma's policy is to only edit out things that won't be around in two weeks, and I still would have been happy with a little more editing personally.
To lessen face irritation, I started epilating my face every other day to prevent ingrown hairs and redness. I know I haven't talked about it too in-depth, but I do have to shave my face and it is something I have been very self-conscious about. I go out of my way to cover up any evidence that I have a mild lady beard. But the same also goes with shaving my body. I made sure I was exfoliating and shaving regularly to avoid any last-minute issues. My skin isn't perfect by any means, but it was more about just giving myself the extra TLC to help give myself a confidence boost and some peace of mind come shoot day.
I also gave myself a manicure and pedicure and even did one of those foot peels a couple of weeks before.
What I Wore
In choosing what I was going to wear, I wanted to opt for more practical pieces that spoke to my style of being sexy. These shoots can be a fantasy you are portraying, but don't be afraid to just be YOU. My lingerie style is dependent on my mood. I love wearing a tank top and cotton hipsters with a ruched back just as much as I love wearing thigh highs and garter belts. I knew I was going to be nervous and getting in and out of these things on my own, so I opted for some kind of middle ground.
When choosing your looks, let your personality and what you like shine. What's your favorite color to wear? Do you have a favorite band tee or sports jersey? What hobbies make you feel like your true self? Are you leather and lace or feathers and chiffon? Think of texture and details that will look good on camera. Color, embroidery, sequins and shimmer, lace, and strappy detailing are just a few ideas. Don't forget about accessories like earrings, necklaces, bracelets, and shoes to add sparkle, personality, and sexiness! I even brought a sequined scarf I had that we used for some of the photos. You may even want to bring props, like something that has to do with your career or hobbies. Maybe you or the one you love is super into sports. Bring a football/basketball/etc. to go along with a sports jersey you can pair with some sexy panties. The possibilities are truly endless. Of course, there is the possibility you may want to not wear anything but a smile, or you may want to be more clothed. Again, talk with your photographer about what you want for your shoot so you can plan accordingly.
I, of course, had trouble narrowing down the looks I brought to just three. Shopping my quickly growing collection of lingerie was a big task for me. I brought a couple of back-up options, an extra scarf, and a robe. When I got to the studio, Suma went through the items with me to help me narrow down the looks I would be wearing. Your photographer can help you narrow things down because they know what will pop in the photos. Suma pushed for the embroidered open cardigan look because they knew how great it would look on camera. I ended up not bringing any shoes with me. I don't wear heels and didn't have anything particularly fitting for the looks I chose to wear. What I was going for with this shoot was just being comfortably myself instead of any fantasty character I could play.
For my first look, I went with my Outlander chemise with a lacy, dark green bust and plaid mesh skirted portion. I also had the stretch lace Outlander plaid cheeky panties on underneath and simple rose gold hoop earrings. You know I love Outlander so much, and I wanted to nod to that. I seriously thought about wearing some cute panties and my New Kids On The Block t-shirt, which I think would have also been super cute. Chemises, tees, and the like can give you more coverage if you are feeling a bit self-conscious. Start with the more covered lingerie during your shoot so you can relax a bit into the fun of having your photos taken!
Next, I went with possibly my favorite look in the floral bralette, burgundy ruched panty, and embroidered mesh cardigan. I added some big chandelier earrings for sparkle. I love all the elements of burgundy in this look, and also how comfortable it was. The embroidery on the cardigan is really beautiful on camera and stood out to me.
My next look was a high-waisted black panty with some strappy features, a strappy bra with embroidered roses that lifted the girls, and a cozy henley that I love to wear. I changed into a larger, dark hoop earring for this look.
My bonus look is the same high-waisted panty and a shimmery gold strappy bralette with the same large hoop earring. For some of the photos, I also broke out my sequin scarf to play with.
With each of these looks, I wanted various levels of coverage and sexy details, while also being true to my style and love of comfort. I'm happy with the choices I made this first go-round, but I'd love to branch out and try different aspects of my personality in future shoots.
The Process
On the day of, I went to the studio with washed and blow-dried hair, and makeup-free, moisturized skin. Suma has specific makeup artists they work with that get you glammed up before your shoot. This isn't always the case on shoots, depending on your photographer, so make sure you ask about that when you inquire about services. I'm someone who loves and is used to doing my hair and makeup. I like presenting myself a certain way, so it was tough for me to let go and let someone else be in charge of my look. I explained what I was going for (a smokey eye and voluminous sexy hair), and let her do her thing. Once I was able to let go and just be in the moment, it was a fun luxury. And while my hair looked a lot more retro than what I had envisioned, I ended up liking it.
After hair and makeup, it was time to put on my first outfit. I was nervous walking out in the studio in lacy panties and my Outlander chemise. Suma had their camera at the ready and the studio light all set up for us. They told me how cute I looked and had me start posing on the bed. And I just let go. Suma was encouraging and positive, giving me movements to do, ways to place my hands, and poses to move into. It was just a blast! Other than trying to remember to occasionally make a sexy face instead of smiling the whole time, I just lived fully in the moment moving from one pose to another and just enjoying it. I never thought about what my tummy and thighs were doing. I never thought about hiding the parts of me that I'm self-conscious about. I just did my absolute best to feel sexy in my body and have fun with it all.
We shot three different looks in a few little areas of the studio, the last being a beautiful green loveseat with gold trim. I loved the look and textures in that space. For my last shot of the day, Suma had me move my legs up on the wall and hang off the loveseat. It was tricky and not entirely graceful, but we both laughed the entire time. I ended up pulling a muscle in my hip/upper thigh doing this, which I found out later when my leg was hurting and I couldn't figure out why. I was INTO IT!
For me, it was a really fun experience that makes me want to do it again and again and create different looks for different shoots. I would love to try boudoir shoots with different photographers to compare experiences too. It was just so much fun that I feel like I NEED to do it again! Because of the experience of being in the moment (which is rare for me because of my anxiety and champion over-thinking), because of how badass and awesome and sexy I felt after, because of how good I felt being free and celebrating my body and the way that made me feel alive and confident, I truly think every woman should do a boudoir shoot in her lifetime. If I had my way, it would be something the government would pay for (also sanitary products) to support and uplift women. That's why, again I say, if you have ever thought about it, just DO it!
What I Learned
What I learned about myself surprised me. I jumped into doing this shoot fully. I immediately bought the discounted session when I saw it, and my shoot was two weeks after that. I kept myself busy enough that I didn't over-think and over-stress about it, which I thought would not be possible. I was way more nervous about leaving my house and having people see me with no makeup than I was to be in my lingerie in front of a stranger. Finding this out and being so incredibly uncomfortable to have people see me in person without makeup (I do InstaStories with no makeup and no filters and don't have an issue with it, but in person is different...) means it is something I need to work on. My need for control in that area was something I had to actively push aside as it was happening. But once I surrendered to the process, I had a great time enjoying the luxury that is someone else doing my hair and makeup for me. The hair wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but my ability to adapt and be cool with it was something I was proud of. The hair was still cute, it was just more retro 1960s than Fredrick's of Hollywood.
Getting into my first lingerie look, I was a bit nervous to come out in the studio to begin the shoot. I felt a bit like wrapping my arms around myself to hide, but I reminded myself that was the total opposite of what I was there to do. Suma was relaxed and chill and upbeat, giving me direction and positive feedback as I moved into the first pose. It wasn't long until we were laughing through the shoot. And it didn't take that long until I was just trying to give my best poses and faces and let Suma do their thang! As I mentioned, the real shocker to me came after the shoot. I realized that I never once thought about my thighs or tummy or what they looked like. I didn't move or tuck skin away. I have darker skin on my inner thighs that I am super self-conscious about. I never thought about that. It is very out-of-character for me to be so in-the-moment, but my goodness is it freeing!!
I was way, way, way more nervous about seeing the photos than I was about posing for them. Seeing them meant I had to see myself and my body. I had to observe myself somewhat objectively (but I still got emotional). I was so incredibly nervous about seeing the photos that I thought about it every day after. I stressed about all the things I thought I would stress out about beforehand. And I had to hold on to the way the shoot made me feel to try to get a grip.
And when I saw the photos? I loved them. I couldn't believe how sultry and happy I looked. I looked at myself and the experience with so much love. I was so proud of me for finally doing it and giving into the process without obsessing about it. I still saw all the things I am self-conscious about, but I didn't think they were so bad. I noticed my smile before I noticed my thigh dimples. I looked at my size 24 body, one that has also gained weight over the summer due to depression, and saw my curves as works of art. There I was in all my glory, looking peaceful and content. The full-body pose lying across the loveseat, the one where you can see my entire body - my stretch marks, my bumps and scars and skin tags, my vericose veins - that's my favorite one because, to me, it reminds me of a Rubenesque painting.
Take Your Own Sexy Photos
Maybe a boudoir shoot scares you. Maybe it's not in your budget for now. Maybe it seems silly for you to do it just for you. (It's not!!) Maybe you are still shy or nervous about your body. There are lots of reasons why you may think doing a boudoir shoot is not for you. It isn't just about looking hot, although getting dolled up is part of the fun, the feeling doing this shoot gave me was such an empowering one. That's the feeling I want you to feel. That's why I think this is so important.
I started feeling more like a could take on a boudoir shoot after I had been taking sexy photos of myself at home for a while. I'm not just talking sexy selfies with lots of cleavage. I get creative. I like to try different lingerie looks, do more artsy poses on the bed, even shower photos because I like the way the water looks in the photo as well. I want to do a more in-depth post on this in the future, more of a guide on poses and such to help you get started. Wear something that makes you feel good. It can be as covered up or as naked as you like, but wearing a cute tank and panties is just fine. It isn't about looking any certain way or impressing anyone. It's about how you feel. Focus on that first. You can look at the photos and delete them. They don't have to be for a significant other. They can be just for you. Try different facial expressions and poses. Do full-body shots. Play with lighting (I like soft natural light through a window the best). The key is to get comfortable with your body and what it looks like. Think about how much you appreciate your body for all it has been through. Think of all the fun things you can do because of your body. Look at the parts of yourself you don't like without negativity. You don't have to learn to adore those things, but it's important you aren't criticizing it either. Eventually, you will start to see what works for you and doesn't in terms of the faces you make and the poses you enjoy. And the more you like those things, the more helpful that is in embracing your body more fully. I know it sounds a bit corny and insignificant, but it is definitely something that has helped me.
And if you have a significant other, they will certainly appreciate you sharing your sexy photos if you are so inclined. I have found a flexible tripod and Bluetooth camera phone remote most helpful!
I hope you've enjoyed this pretty comprehensive account of my experience with boudoir. If you have any questions I haven't covered here, please don't hesitate to ask via the comments or email me. There is a contact form in the sidebar also. I would not hesitate to do another boudoir shoot. It may have to continue being a birthday gift to myself!
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